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Dawn saw a change of plan
Something new began
Traversed Saigon
Carrying one
Oblivious to outside reality

1
Sleep derived
Well survived
Discovered agape profound
Lives inextricably bound
Blissful normality

2
From tiny vulnerable baby
The journey to here is hazy
Confident little chatterbox is she
Soon a big sister to be
A little brother to add to our plurality

3
Strolled into school
This little girl who’ll
Question and query
Render us weary
With her inquiring vitality

4
Farewells to Viet Nam
A wave, a tear, a fan,
Thailand offered more
Than simply turning four
Whispers of sentimentality

5
A big, pink house is our lot
Overlooking plot after empty plot
Cabbages and cuddles
For now all a muddle
Not quite ready for that liberality

6
Growth gaining pace
Slow down, it’s no race
She’s eager to leave
Her destiny to weave
But wait, there’s still this locality

7
Dawning of a new decade
A home to be remade
She’ll turn seven in Nanjing
And now, here’s the thing,
With abandon and joviality

8
Settling in for the long haul
Continuing to enthral
Losing her teeth
To the fairy bequeath
(Or the mouse – a technicality)

9
Still childishly happy
(Sorry, too sappy?)
Her brother’s best friend
A complicit trend
And so we progress, sequentially

10
The year of double digits
Kindness and diligence explicit
Still character forming
Not without warning
Asserting herself indelibly

11
The ending of primary
And honing skills culinary
A forced to be reckoned
Seeking direction
Treading her path with fidelity

12
Independence emerges
Actually rises and surges
She’s off with a dance
To her own life in France
Such characteristic tenacity

13
A free spirit, no need to harangue her
Mountains, deserts, jungles, Taganga
Finding her feet, feeling alive
A thirteenth birthday night dive
Shot through with trademark perspicacity

14
Four and ten is here
And still she’s giving cheer
Wrestling on the couch
Upper-handed, no slouch
As she grows, lobe-frontally

15
And now she’s fifteen
She’s setting the scene
Of the person she’s building
The life she is wielding
This intrinsic congeniality

This trembling thing
This bird-on-a-wing
This will to awake
This paralysis to break
This constant battle
This pointless prattle
This nervous hope
This hangman’s rope
This fragile desire
This daylight vampire
This victory march
This crumbling arch
This delusional dream
This self-esteem
This paradoxical optimist
This hamming dramatist
This eternal moment
This entertainment
This daily struggle
This intellectual juggle
This repeating voice
This repeating choice

Smelling salts to my soul
Reviving this bequest
Rising to play my role
Taste salty at her breast

Take succor at this bowl
Lay my head, take a rest
Breathe deep and make me whole
Salted wounds, her behest

I can’t get the chord right
There’s a break in the tune
It’s a digital fight
I should try the bassoon

There’s a buzz in the strum
It must be this guitar
A blister on my thumb
I’m no rock ’n’ roll star

Praise me
Praise indeed
Indeed I would
Indeed I could
Could be stronger
Could be better
Better at being
Better than this
This trembling thing
This spirit
Spirit-levelled
Spirit faltering
Faltering fast
Falter at last
Last ditch effort
Last reprieve
Reprieve this time
Reprieve is mine
Mine to bear
Mine to give
Give enough hope
Give enough rope
Rope to hang
Rope to bind
Bind these ideals
Bind these wounds
Wounds weeping
Wounds healing
Healing the pain
Healing again
Again the abyss
Again remiss
Remiss of duty
Remiss in this
This monumental effort
This moment
Moment of doubt
Moment of decision
Decision to move
Decision to prove
Prove I’m alive
Prove I’m able
Able to rise up
Able to be worthy
Worthy of acclaim
Worthy of applause
Applause as praise
Applause for me
Praise
Me

I object, I really do
It’s really very basic
This farcical bally-ho
A universal Lasik

Might just bring us happiness
This path we’re on to reject
And let us now reassess
This mess, to which I object

So they asked, 'What's love got to do with it?'
And I smiled as I thought of my reply
Love, of course, is where all our answers sit
Even if, most often, we don't know why

Romantic love, the eros, takes control
It's a selfish, desperate need-me love
A piece of me to justify, inscroll
Your life fitting mine like perfection's glove

We can take solace in the refuge of
Family love, the storge of Ancient Greek
Or hold on tight to phileo, thereof
The heart of friendship, when life seems less bleak

But agapé is the crowning glory
Love unconditional, tell your story

Don’t fob me off with your toxic con
Soft Brexit is an oxymoron

We grin and lay down our hearts-filled flush
Then see the game is blackjack, and blush

Well now, there’s the rub
The price for talking politics with some guy in a pub

Waiting for this moment to pass
For someone to rescue us from this morass

Christmas used to be so simple

A stroll though the supermarket

Of plastic race tracks and

Pink wooden ovens

Of lego blocks

And lego friends

and lego Star Wars

and lego Potter

Now it’s getting more complex

With v-bucks and

iTunes credit

and travel and lessons

and a million hopes and dreams.

I’m less and less convinced

That I can pull off the Santa thing

This year.

Been there

Done that

Broken beyond repair

Broken beyond desire

And then, not.

Like Kintsugi

I’m more beautiful

And stronger

At the broken places.